This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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