I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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