please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize