Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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