trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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