Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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