You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you will always have a special place in my vag
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
