We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
