i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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