i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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