we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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