Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
