i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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