she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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