I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
