If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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