I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize