I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
