you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
