Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
