i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
