"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
