my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
