My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
