i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
