oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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