Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
