You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
now i know why i became what i already was.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
