Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
50% drunk capacity currently
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im on a boat
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