So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
