If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize