Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
