We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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