Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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