i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
