Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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