Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize