im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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