This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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