I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize