there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize