Apparently you make a good broom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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