he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
