I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
