So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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