Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
