she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
