you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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