I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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