I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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