google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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