no more duck duck goose at the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
