this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
