there's paper in my vomit.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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