Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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