you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
