all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
