he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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