Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
