Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
