And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Less talking, more tequila
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
