I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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