it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
