i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
