so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
