Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
