She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
