We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
