I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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