she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
