I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
