please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
