Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
