Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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