Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
