Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
