Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
