Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
