is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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