champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
