call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
