You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
