remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
