Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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