My friends, they love my intelligence
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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