The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize