Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
