she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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