I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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