just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
