party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize