I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
