I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
