Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
