that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize