I only kidnapped one of them. chill
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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